Exclusively Revealed: SPD Post Bingo, Biggest Political Scandal Since Watergate

Finally, a relaxed retrospective screenplay for the favorite chronicler of the left-wing wake bubble and the letter-to-the-editor fanmail magnet of the AfD-related argumentation elite: a brand new state election. Lower Saxony. The home of world stars such as Martin Kind, Ernst August Prince of Hanover, Klaus Meine, Oliver Pocher, Lena Meyer-Landrut and Annalena Baerbock. It reads like a typical Saturday night’s Twitter trends or a normal “Wetten, dass…?” guest list, but it’s the who’s who of Lower Saxony, the sexiest state after Bavaria.


This column presents Marie von den Benken’s point of view. Read how our editors deal with opinions in texts.

Briefly about the personal classification: Martin Kind is probably the inventor of hearing aids and an expert for the complete atmospheric destruction of promising second-class clubs. Ernst August Prince of Hanover is why the monarchy was abolished in Germany and why even cheap aristocrats like Prince Frédéric von Anhalt win more hearts than real blue-blooded people.

Not to mention the hearts of nouveau-riche whore owners who really want to be adopted. Not a single puff owner, although there are sometimes analogies in terms of style, are: Bill Kaulitz. The man who became known for the monsoon was not born in Lower Saxony, but at least in Saxony. It’s like Lower Saxony without Nieder, so to speak Lower Saxony Plus.

I mention that here because it was announced this week that Frederic von Anhalt Tom Kaulitz want to adopt. This is interesting because then Zsa Zsa Gabor’s ex would be somehow related to Heidi Klum and as a guest judge for the next GNTM season could explain to the candidates how to distinguish genuine Versace shirts from Turkish beach imitations.

But on with the wild ride through famous Lower Saxony, the Beverly Hills of the states. Klaus Meine is the David Hasselhoff of the generation that thinks Bon Jovi is rock music. You can’t think of rock music from a band that has its own special golf edition. Incidentally, the Golf, or VW, also comes from Lower Saxony, which completes the circle.

Oliver Pocher is Germany’s most famous Jehovah’s Witness and actually became known through the application of discarded ex-girlfriends Boris Becker. Lena Meyer-Landrut is Stefan Raab’s greatest success. Well, after his dental bar, which even made it into the Guinness Book of Records with 448 teeth per jaw.

and Annalena Barbock forms the basis of survival for conspiracy theorists disguised as Axel Springer Verlag journalists, who for some 1.5 years have regularly pointed out some supposedly missing footnotes from Baerbock’s book, while in their own homes they remain inexorably silent about sexual blackmail and falsified divorce deeds.

Who has good cards? social democrats!

Fun fact: that’s about the name of the only prominent German who was not born in Lower Saxony Stephen Weil and is the newly re-elected Prime Minister. In the case of the left-red dirty social democrats, everything is allowed. Lower Saxony is ruled by a burger!

As if there weren’t excellent comrades with premiership potential born in Lower Saxony. Lilly Blaudszun for example. Lilly comes from Bückeburg, haha, yes, that is a real town in the Schaumburg district. Blaudszun, the only name in politics that could really use a few more vowels, is originally aristocratic.

Even if the reputation of the Schaumburg-Lippes has suffered a bit lately due to the somewhat peculiar behavior of the head Alexander zu Schaumburg-Lippe (called “Schaumi”, which somehow always sounds like a shower cream) after he described himself with the words “Zero humanity, zero warmth, zero solidarity” in the jury of the RTL dance format “Let’s Dance”. There, his ex-wife Lilly was removed from the dance floor quite early in the season. Personally, I find support between the families sympathetic in principle despite the divorce. Moreover, he did not pee on the Turkish pavilion, but only on Joachim Llambi’s leg.

But back to topic. Obviously, as long as everyone in the SPD clique can become prime minister exactly where they want, we’ll still get on very well with Stephan Weil. After all, we always run the risk that, for example, Richard David Precht becomes prime minister and then explains every day what is not in his government program. Precht is from Solingen. Solingen is to Düsseldorf what Pinneberg is to Hamburg. In this regard, Marie-Agnes Strack-Zimmermann is actually responsible for the storm of the media top of Precht. Where is the Chairman of the Defense Committee of the German Bundestag when you need her?

The 600-strong investigative team WEB.de seized this currently the biggest political scandal since “ZDF Magazin Royale” last Friday as an opportunity to take a closer look at the regional loyalty of Social Democracy to the prime minister selection. And what can I say: abysses are opening.

With painstakingly detailed research, we have drained a morass of post-negotiation that will leave many states out of whack with inevitable layoffs. Short explanation for all the “journalists” of the “Bild” newspaper, who always read very carefully here how the cybersecurity company Protelion, at the behest of my briefing, fully documented: Investigation, that is the intensive effort to find out for yourself in detail and comprehensive To provide access to relevant information and then to seriously evaluate the data that has come to our attention.

Post El Dorado SPD

The horrifying truth about the loss of patriotic ties to one’s own country when the sovereign is occupied is as shocking as it is outrageous: Franziska Giffey, reigning mayor of Berlin, was born in Frankfurt an der Oder. Brandenburg. Andreas Bovenschulte, who rules Bremen, is from Hildesheim in Lower Saxony. But it gets even better: Peter Tschentscher, the head of Hamburg, was born in – you won’t believe it – Bremen. At this point, the SPD could have closed all three regional logical gaps with a simple personnel change. Weil to Hamburg, Tschentscher to Bremen, Bovenschulte to Lower Saxony. Does no one think in the Willy Brandt House anymore? Or is it not a coincidence, but a number?

Against the background of this incredible Sozi-Amigo affair, it is not surprising that Michaela Schwesig, Prime Minister of Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania, was also born in Frankfurt/Oder in Brandenburg. It is not known whether Schwesig (born 1974) was there as Giffey’s (1978) nanny. What else would the brave, homely citizens of the SPD-administered states have to endure?

Compared to the bingo of the Prime Minister of the former People’s Party, Melanie Müller’s salute is almost a mess. The right arm reflexively pulls up eight to twelve times, which can happen from time to time. Everyone likes to drive on the Autobahn, even Eva Herman.

Lars Klingbeil is silent about the excessive machinations of his party. Not surprising, because he too has notable inconsistencies in his resume. Klingbeil was born in Soltau, but is now head of the SPD instead of Heidepark. The “S” in SPD apparently stands for self-service. After only ten months of government responsibility, Social Democracy has completely collapsed.

No comparison to the greatest opposition of all time. The future angel of the Union is called Friedrich Merz and is a down-to-earth, hardworking medium-sized company with an ear to the pulse of the people. With your own private jet to a colleague’s wedding on Sylt, who doesn’t do that in their spare time? Let’s vote against the criminality of marital rape, there are not only rights in a God-blessed partnership, but also duties.

Abolish dismissal protection, people often have to be forced to be happy. And employees are people too, many in the FDP don’t even know that. Release Ukrainian war refugees, mostly women and children, as “social tourists” for racist shootings, arguably, but Flix buses to Kiev are full, that’s a fact (source: Telegram).

Anyway, Friedrich Merz was certainly born in Brilon. This is in the beautiful eastern Sauerland. And unlike the cosmopolitan charlatans of the SPD, who take their posts all over Germany, even though they have no history to show for the region, Friedrich Merz from the eastern Sauerland really always looks like he’s very angry somewhere in the east. is.

When it comes to authenticity, the Red Sox ensemble around BMW owner Kevin Kühnert (Berlin born by the way and fan of Arminia Bielefeld, the SPD of professional football) could learn a thing or two from Merz! With this in mind: See you next week!

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